Making the commitment to spend the rest of your life with your spouse, should be taken seriously. For the past few decades, the rate of divorce was dramatically climbing, but the good news is, according to the National Center for Family and Marriage Research, this trend may be ending. Marriage counselors have found that the divorce rate in the United States is stabilizing, but the average marriage still only has a 50% chance of survival these days. So, the question becomes: “How would you rate your marriage today?”
Perhaps words like: broke, boring, good, stale or even phenomenal come to mind. If you feel that your marriage may be reaching a burnout phase, it is important to ask yourself these questions and truly reflect on your responses.
- When your spouse or partner is done with their daily routines, what is it that they have to look forward to?
- Is there any fun and excitement in your relationship or do feel that you are constantly bored?
- Do you feel that your emotional needs are being met in your relationship?
If you view your marriage as being full of life and excitement, then I have good and bad news for you. The good news is you’ll likely beat the odds and make your marriage stand the test of time. The bad news (though it isn’t bad news really) is – this article isn’t for you.
But, if you’re like 50% of married people and feel like you have run out of options or have never considered nourishing your relationship, then this article is definitely for you.
Think of it this way…
We invest money and resources in our properties, cars and even refrigerators. Yet, we tend to forget to invest in our relationships and, more importantly, in ourselves.
Just as a garden needs nurturing, so does your relationship.
If you’re looking for a way to revive your relationship and bring back that excitement from the early days, then it is time to go through a relationship detox. And, here’s how to do it…
- Set an intention and a goal. Tell yourself that you will do everything that you can to treat your spouse as the most important person in the world. Don’t settle for a “so so” relationship. Go for that phenomenal marriage. It will lead to a more comprehensive and fulfilling life. You both deserve to be happy and you can reach that point, if you both are willing to put in the time to invest in each other and in your marriage. There are lots of living examples of phenomenal marriages, so you know it is possible.
- Invest in yourselves. When I say invest in yourselves, it doesn’t mean that you need to take self-help classes and try to change your partner. When you are inspired, others around you will also feel it. Try taking at least one hour this week to do something that gives you fulfillment or happiness. Go to an empowerment retreat for yourself, go for a walk, start journaling or treat yourself to a relaxing dinner out. The key is to practice what you have learned and see the change in dynamics between you and your partner.
- Invest in your relationships. There are so many books, workbooks, retreats and conferences on marriage and relationships. Just pick one and work together as a team on it. Things are much easier when you both are involved and on the same page, with the same relationship goals. If you neglect this important part, then you run the risk of not seeing eye to eye or feeling like you are investing more effort into the relationship than you partner. Keep in mind, this process takes time, but with a positive attitude and teamwork you can work together to change the dynamics of your relationship.
- Take vacations.This is an absolute must! Your vacations should include one vacation with the entire family in a fun setting and another in an empowering setting, such as a spiritual retreat for the family. Taking a couples only vacation once a year is also important to give you and your spouse time to reconnect with each other. You need to spend some time loving yourselves individually as well, so plan getaways that are both fun and empowering for yourself throughout the year too. You might argue that it is a lot of vacation time. But, keep in mind that every vacation doesn’t have to be a week long. Instead, you could do a weekend trip, take a vacation day during the week and still reap the incredible benefits of having time to relax and recharge.
- Treat yourself and go on dates with your partner. Go out and pamper yourself, spend some “me time” with yourselves. Also, plan time to go out with your spouse and make a point to have fun. Remember, going out can be anything from having a picnic, to going to a live music concert, or even having a candle-lit dinner together. The key is to be creative and find date ideas that will allow you to enjoy your time with your partner and experience each other in new and fun ways.
At the end of the day, it really boils down to what you want. Take time to truly figure out what you really want. Ask yourself what kind of marriage you want and are willing to work for. Do you want a broken marriage, a good marriage, a great marriage or a phenomenal one?
You can have any one of the above. The choice is yours. If your marriage is not where you want it to be, don’t complain about it. Instead, channel that energy into repairing your marriage and rekindling that passion and excitement you once had with your spouse.
If you want to talk through how to take your marriage to the next level, contact me today and I’d be happy to speak with you about your marriage goals.